Porn Niches – A lid for every pot?

This is my homage to the porn niche – that endlessly expanding hydra of sexual peccadillos that one could argue, precisely defines what a culture perceives as ‘nasty’. Porn niches have been around since the invention of porn itself, although some of the original niches haven’t aged well, and some skirt the boundaries of legality. Anal sex, once a shockingly extreme aberration is now so commonplace that an adult DVD without it is rare. Here’s some of the most common porn niches and a few not so much:

 

Hentai: I used to sell movies to a porn shop that told me their top sellers in the ‘booths’ (those kinda creepy individual curtained spaces in adult bookstores where you can feed money into a machine and watch movies…by yourself…in the dark…in a public business…across the wall from another guy – also with his dick in his hand) were all Japanese anime. I was amazed that dudes were going into a booth to get off to a cartoon. Then I watched one… It all suddenly made sense.

 

Pegging: Chicks fucking dudes in the ass with a strap on. I can’t think of a better way to get in touch with your feminine side than by assuming the position for big latex wielded with authority by an Amazonian hose beast. If you’re a straight guy and you watch too much pegging it can mess up your head for a few days.

 

Peeing/golden showers: People peeing on their fellow humans. This one walks a fine line legally in many jurisdictions. Most counties in the US are alright with taking a leak in the great outdoors, but aim it at your significant other and you could in theory go to jail. Generally speaking, peeing on someone is not being awarded the good housekeeping seal of approval these days.

 

Foot fetish: Self-explanatory. Somewhat of a yawn in the US but offer this to folks in India or the middle east and you’ve hit the mother lode of perversion. There is nothing nastier in either culture than sex with a naked foot.

 

Middle Eastern girls: Because everybody now understands how messed up the middle east is about sex; it has become a top fetish for us nasty Americans who have been looking for a way to fuck Islam ever since 9/11. Aside from being highly taboo (not to mention sacrilegious to Muslims who aren’t into explosives) a porn chick climbing into a hijab and boinking the pizza guy with a cry of ‘Allahu Akbar!’ when she cums is undeniably hot. It sells like crazy and somehow, it just feels right.

 

Bukkake: A bunch, and by a bunch I mean a crowded roomful of obviously lonely guys flog the dolphin onto one woman’s face. Charming. Girls – you have the Japanese to thank for this one.

 

Babysitters: No explanation needed. Endlessly romanticized in books tv and movies, Babysitters are the most enduring male fantasy since cheerleaders and nurses.

 

Nurses: My personal weakness. Ever since I had my leg shaved for surgery by a white hot nurse while on drugs, who then HANDED ME OFF TO A MALE NURSE rather than completing the best part – fondling my gonads herself… I’ve had a recurring nurse fantasy where the ending goes much differently. Apparently I’m not the only one.

 

Camel Toe: What was once an uncomfortable embarrassment for women has become something of a hobby for many guys – spot the camel toe. A bit challenging in the #metoo era since staring at girls’ crotches is decidedly uncool. Having said that, some girls have embraced the trend and sales of leggings have soared as a result.

 

BBC: An acronym for ‘Big Black Cock’, often in conjunction with tiny white women. The physics alone are impressive. One would think that watching gigantic black cocks pummel diminutive white girls would cause feelings of inadequacy. Oddly enough it does the opposite: Thanks to porn DVDs, Men of all races the world over now imagine their cocks as ebony love clubs of biblical proportions.

 

Glory hole: A disembodied penis protrudes from a wall, and girls wandering by can’t resist the urge to suck and fuck it. If only it were that easy.

 

Midget porn: On life support as a niche these days. About as ‘unwoke’ as porn gets, which is saying something. For reasons no one understands, it’s OK to gawk at little people on TLC, but not cool at all when they’re naked having sex. Go figure.

 

Hairy: Because that 70’s hairy pussy vibe was cool then and it’s still cool now.

 

Public Sex: Dominated by the Germans, who will get naked and screw anywhere. Hard not to find this hot…even if you can’t understand what the horrified bystanders are yelling.

 

Reality: USC (User submitted content) is a big thing these days and it’s understandable. I mean, how many goofy fake tits and duck lips do you really need to see? Real people having real sex and recording it is a big turn on for many, and the reality niche is now one of the biggest sellers in all of porn.

 

There’s too many more to mention but rest assured new ones crop up, and go extinct constantly. Ever hear of Fat White Ninja porn? I wouldn’t have either but the fool shot at my warehouse one day. That’s right, a chunky white dude wearing dirty sneakers, a cheesy black cape, and a Zorro-style mask (and nothing else) directs naked amateur women to ridicule him and his tiny penis, and eventually boink him, for about $400. It was apparently a living but his website is gone now. Maybe he ran out of amateur women…or money…or both.

JB