A Stupendous Steaming Heap of Internet Porn

Ever wondered who’s tuning in to all those tube sites? If you are tempted to say ‘everyone’, you’d only be half right. For the discriminating horndog, DVD is still the way to go for a number of reasons. But taking a dive into the sheer scale of online porn is always fun, and a little frightening. For instance, in the time it took me to write those first couple sentences, 80,000 people visited Pornhub doing 77,000 searches. Apparently 3,000 of them knew right where they were going. They watched 11,000 hours of video transferring 12,550 Gigabytes of data in the process. And all of that happens every minute, of every hour, of every day on the world’s biggest porn site. (2019 numbers).

 

Still not impressed? In 2019 Pornhub had 42 billion visitors (Does that mean every human on Earth visited 6 times each?), users uploaded 1.36 million hours of video which equals 169 years of new content, meaning that if you had started watching all that porn in 1865, you’d still be going through it today. And that’s just the newly added videos from that year. As far as the amount of data transferred the numbers are mind-numbing: 6,597 Petabytes (18,073 Terabytes or 18,073,000 Gigabytes) which translated means if you were to save all those movie clips on hard drives (you know…to watch later) the resulting stack of drives would reach 100 kilometers high…to the edge of space. If you put it all on thumb drives…well you get the idea.

 

To really get a sense of just how much porn is being watched globally on Pornhub, it’s helpful to break the data down even further. Every 60 seconds there are 220,000 views of video content. That’s 13,199,100 views per hour and over 316,778,400 video views per day. To put this into perspective, every minute 11,082 hours of porn is being watched. That’s 664,920 hours of  video every 60 minutes and 15,958,080 hours per day. Ok, so how many tits will appear in nearly 16 million hours of porn? It’s a rhetorical question, but I think we can safely double it and more likely quadruple that number. That’s a lot of tits.

 

Just who is watching all this nastiness? In the US, it’s 70% men and 30% women…and no I don’t have the girls’ phone numbers. But just remember this the next time you meet a woman – the percentage of women who visit pornhub mirrors the number who watch porn generally in the US…about 32%. So you have a 1 in 3 chance that the girl you meet watches some kind of porn – not as good as playing red or black on roulette, but not bad, and the jackpot could be spectacular. The Philippines and Brazil have the most porn-watching chicks at 39% each. This may help explain the Brazilian preoccupation with perky asses and pube wax. Germany has the least smut-loving babes at 25%. C’mon you hasfrau hotties, join the party! It’s no surprise that the US tops the list of biggest Pornhub watchers, with Japan nipping (no pun intended) at our heels. This explains the top 2 search terms – ‘Japanese’ and ‘Hentai’. Apparently there’s a lot of folks who enjoy seeing tiny Asian chicks boink multi-tentacled creatures. The 3rd and 4th biggest search terms were ‘lesbian’ and ‘MILF’ in that order. No wonder Moms lick teens is so popular.

 

The top 3 cities getting off on pornhub are New York, London, and Paris – proving once and for all there is a direct correlation between expensive rent and erect men. Since the whole concept of tube sites is to ‘get in, get off, and get out’, what inquiring minds really want to know is who lasts the longest on pornhub? That title goes to Thailand, with an average session lasting 11 minutes and 21 seconds. Not exactly a tantric marathon but the Thais’ staying power is nearly a full minute longer than the US at a speedy 10 minutes 36 seconds. Women last about 30 seconds longer than men on average…which explains much of human history. The US states with the most staying power are all in the south: Mississippi, Georgia, South Carolina and Louisiana – all of them over 11 minutes. So… I’m taking another look at soul food. The states with the shortest attention span (I’m being polite here) are Kansas (9:59), Oregon (10:06) and Utah (10:14). We’re pulling for Kansas to up it’s game next year.

 

As for porn chicks, Lana Rhodes was at the top of the search stack with 345 million views. Right behind her was bulbous faux-Islamic hottie Mia Khalifa (269 million) and petite hose tart Riley Reid, who despite being 3rd in searches, outscored Lana and Mia with 585 million views. I can’t stop watching Riley either. What’s really amazing about all this is that Pornhub, while the biggest, is just one porn site. Bring in the lesser-known also-rans and other aspects of the porn industry and you come up with more big numbers.

 

The porn industry (defined as all companies who produce and distribute pornography) brings in about 15 billion dollars a year, making it bigger than NBC, CBS, ABC, Netflix, Viacom and believe it or not…Hollywood itself. Of that pie, online resellers (can you really call a free tube site a ‘reseller’?) account for about 2.5 billion (in that case, yes you can). Digging further into the pile of money that is naked people on screen, one has to wonder ‘how much do the people actually making the porn earn?’ Does it pay to be a porn actor? Money, like everything else in life, is relative to your point of view so you be the judge:

Female Performer, boy/girl scene – $300-$1500 (there is clearly a schmooze factor here)

Female Performer, All girl scene – $700 – $1200

Male performer – $500 – $1500

Director- $1000 – $3000

Camera person – $500 – $700

Sound Tech – $300 – $400

Production Assistant (loiterer) – $100 – $250 (or let them pay you to be there)

Writers – $250 – $400

Still Photographers – $500

Makeup Artists – $500

 

Rates given are for ‘normal’ sex acts. If you agree to a vigorous butt-boinking by a guy swinging 11 angry inches of hormonal man-ham, you can ask for more money. Still, none of the numbers above have the letter ‘B’ after them. Successful pornstars can actually make more money through product endorsements, dancing gigs, personal websites and as ‘influencers’ of a sort…the kind I try and keep my daughters away from. But before you can influence anyone…you have to do the deed on camera, many times, and be very good at it. And yet it is clear that the big money is on the back end, so to speak.

 

The stats above represent only a tiny fraction of what’s available from Pornhub’s analytics. They know more about their customers’ porn preferences and behaviors than the customers themselves. Keep this in mind when you log on…because they’re watching every keystroke, category, IP address, geo-location, and even how long you last. Ok now…wanna buy a DVD?

JB