That time the porn girls thought I was rich

Early on in my porn career I was still naïve enough to imagine how totally awesome it would be to go to an actual porn shoot, and ogle actual porn girls ya know, actually fucking. After all, partying with porn girls is the holy grail for every horndog (and a fair number of hose beasts) in the world. I knew a director and asked him to get me in. The shoot was at a beautiful mansion in the Hollywood hills. Unbeknownst to me, when I arrived he introduced me to the pornstars as ‘the money guy’ for the shoot. I played along adopting my most convincing air of condescending apathy, and was immediately rewarded with 4 scantily-clad girls giving me what can only be described as a titty-mauling. Mission accomplished. Nothing turns a porn chick on faster than the suggestion of wealth.

 

While nearly every aspect of porn is about money, wealth remains a fluid concept for porn people. With a few notable exceptions, most pornstars are ‘instagram wealthy’. This is like being a millionaire in monopoly. I’ve met countless folks who drove $90,000 BMWs but lived in a dingy apartment in Van Nuys and were behind on their gas bill. Since fledgling porn girls are normally paid by the scene and competition for bookings is fierce, they often supplement their income by dancing at ‘gentlemen’s clubs’ (which are full of horndogs identifying as gentlemen) where they can make thousands in a night and sell a small truckload of adult DVDs. We supply porn DVDs to some of these girls who will remain nameless here so I don’t lose the gig. I’m crazy but not stupid, and there’s nothing unpleasant about receiving occasional office visits from big-titted pornstars in the mood to spend money.

 

Most porn girls are legendary shopaholics, and I know of at least a couple who have wealthy sugar-daddies on the side to fund their faux-lavish lifestyle. This time-tested arrangement can include fancy cars, an apartment, and an expense account. Their only duty is to be ‘on call’ at a moment’s notice for high-end cocktail parties, dinner, and of course sex. Think of it as the subscription model for pornstar escorts. But porn girls landing a loaded, devoted sugar daddy is not all that common. Most of them eke out a modest but comfortable living with porn shoots, dancing, and a website where they sell live shows, XXX DVDs, autographs and yes – the occasional soiled pair of panties. I’m sorry to say it’s a thing.

 

Speaking of money, no discussion of porn success is complete without a mention of its most famous, iconic star. I met Jenna Jameson only once, when she came to a distributor I was working for and took some calls from our video-store-owning customers early in her career. She was very cute and engaging…right up until she learned that her purse, which she’d left in full view on her car seat outside, had been stolen along with all her ID, credit cards and passport – which was needed for an international flight the next day. She wasn’t so friendly after that, but I couldn’t blame her. I worked 4 years at that distributor and no one ever had a problem… 1 hour with Jenna Jameson there and stuff starts disappearing. Weird. Jenna went on to set the bar for success as a porn star by founding, running, and finally selling a business bearing her name, for 25 million dollars. Her story has drawn thousands of new girls into ‘the business’ and we are all richer for it.

 

Despite true wealth being an elusive concept for most porn people, projecting an image of it is paramount. Many porn girls I’ve met truly consider themselves ‘stars’ and expect to be treated as such. But it is a rare porn girl who strives for some semblance of propriety. I remember one time Jayden Jaymes was shooting in our warehouse and I went back to watch for a few minutes. After all as a landlord, naked girls humping furiously in the next room falls squarely into the realm of ‘perks’. Upon learning I was ONLY there to watch, she virtue-signaled her best ‘I’m so embarrassed you’re looking at me naked’ expression before promptly getting over it and choking herself on her co-star’s turgid wang. Still, I was duly impressed that she at least took a brief stab at the appearance of scruples, such as it was.

 

Porn brunette and legendary screamer Charley Chase once did a shoot at our place that required full body paint. This took about 5 hours to apply. Binge watching ‘Chernobyl’ didn’t take that long. Nothing happens fast with porn people. Charley dutifully lounged around naked for half a day letting the makeup girl work her magic. I had to walk through the dressing room to get to the warehouse (another perk) and I distinctly remember having hundreds of reasons to go to the warehouse that day. At that time Charley still had her own lovely natural breasts… Some idiotic agent has since talked her into big fake new ones. I don’t think she minded the extra attention.

 

I clearly recall the day I walked past a room where they were shooting, glanced in and thought they were using prosthetics. As it turns out, it was just skinny British Porn stud Johnny D, the great white hope, and his beefy 12-inch monstrosity. For those who’ve never seen a cock the size of a jumbo Maglite fully erect and bizarrely attached to a 125 pound white dude…I’m here to tell you that even in a porn warehouse setting… it’s alarming. I’ve seen smaller horses. Johnny was on his back under the girl in the classic reverse cowgirl position and even though the girl was giving it her all, there was at least 5 inches of cock left over…unused and unwanted. Later on the director told me that porn studios were hiring Johnny (who is a British national) under the H-1B Visa program which the department of labor says is ‘[… to help employers who cannot otherwise obtain needed business skills and abilities from the U.S. workforce…]’ Suffice to say Johnny D has a ‘needed business skill’ that few are able to compete with, and abilities that only a farm animal can appreciate. Our tax dollars at work!

JB