Horndogs and Hosebeasts – a Spectrum (part 1)

This essay was written by yours truly about 3 years ago, at the height of the #metoo war on masculinity. I wisely chose to hold off publishing it anywhere because even though I fancy myself a pretty edgy guy, having my name trashed around the world by angry women I’ve never met just didn’t sound like much fun. Either I’m thinking that the man-hating fervor surrounding #metoo has subsided enough to pose alternative opinions, or I’m just getting old enough to not give a damn. So here’s my take on #metoo, and where porn fits in…or if it ever will. – JB

Sasha Grey is a world-class hose-beast. If you’re not familiar with Ms. Grey – she’s a pretty, petite 5’6” brunette porn star, musician, and model. She retired from porn in 2010 but her supernatural ability to shoe-horn several porn-sized male members into an orifice that most would agree wasn’t designed for that, has captured the naughty imaginations of horndogs around the world, selling hundreds of thousands of adult DVDs in the process. I mention Ms. Grey because in the #metoo era, you don’t often hear much about porn stars, particularly those whose nether regions seemingly defy the laws of physics. Where I wonder, do porn stars, and while we’re at it, strippers, prostitutes and gold diggers – those women who have made a career out of catering to the wild imaginations of us horndogs, fit into the post #metoo world?

As we all now know, Hollywood and Washington DC seem to be overflowing with a bunch of perverted, powerful guys. Imagine that. I mean, these are people who make lots of money pretending to be someone else, so I’m not sure how surprised we should be that a fair number of them are unhinged when it comes to relationships and sex.

Since the world became aware of the stunning sexual depravity of movie mogul Harvey Weinstein, a ‘parade of assaulters’ on the nightly news has added over 100 other Hollywood and DC losers’ names to the list, and it shows no signs of slowing. The resulting avalanche of #metoo’s makes it seem like every woman on Earth is the victim of sexual assault and every man a lecherous groper. A few pitiful guys have lamely tried to ingratiate themselves into the expanding #metoo-shame-fest, but are only allowed to participate if they check their gonads at the door and swear an oath of lifelong listening. The term ‘rape culture’ is applied liberally to every aspect of society that features a hot babe. The notion that women might inadvertently dress in such a way that men would find them attractive or worse – sexual, is cited as clear evidence of the abject piggery of us men. Roving gangs of angry women congregate on social media to commiserate and share horror stories of toxic masculinity run amok. In these situations a man has two choices: Prostrate yourself before the girl-mob, assume the position of supplication and proclaim loudly that yes, us males are indeed the Devil’s herd; or simply put a sock in it for a while. Having some prior experience with angry women, I was smart enough to shut up. Not every guy was…

One poor misguided Facebook sap made the fatal mistake of joining an all-girl #metoo guy-bashing thread, defensively proclaiming that his granddaddy raised him to treat women with respect and he had nothing in common with the boorish monsters they were describing. The estrogen-fueled feeding frenzy that followed was painful to watch. He was verbally berated, (THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOU!) publicly humiliated (with less-than-chivalrous posts cut and pasted from his own page) barraged with expletives, and left wimpering pitiful ‘sorrys’, never to be heard from again. I’m told he’s still trying to get his testicles out of their sockets.

Our emasculated social media casualty was not the only man who was skeptical about his own role in the deviant behavior of a roomful of Hollywood assholes…  and a few brave women questioned the one-sided wisdom of #metoo as well – and instantly regretted it. Legendary 92 year old actress Dame Angela Landsbury made the mistake of suggesting that “There are two sides to this coin.” The horror. She was ravaged on social media as a doddering old hag from a bygone era. The following week, 100 French women including actresses Catherine Deneuve and Bridgette Bardot (you have to love the French at times like this) wrote an open letter saying the #metoo movement had gone too far. As of this writing, there is significant push-back by French feminists – all 5 of them.

In the comments section under a blog that carried one of these stories was this gem from a woman commenter: “My grandma always used to tell me that if I was going to run the ad, I shouldn’t be surprised if someone answers it.” Indeed. The problem being, a woman has very little control over WHO answers it. No one is suggesting that dressing like a Las Vegas hooker is asking to be raped, but the horndog-brain IS visual. When we see a woman dressed suggestively, what exactly are we men supposed to surmise it suggests? A brilliant conversationalist? And while we’re at it, have you noticed how difficult it is these days distinguishing actual Las Vegas Hookers from their amateur counterparts? I wouldn’t be surprised if working girls started demanding a signed non-competition clause from every party-girl entering the strip – with a dress code attached.

I’ve never been foolish enough to try and guess what women were thinking, but one has to wonder what the #metoo gals were expecting by publicly demonizing half of the world’s population as brutish jerks, clumsy perverts, and rapists, while simultaneously painting all women with the broad brush of victimhood. I’m told that there is now a #hadenough movement started by indignant men. Did no one else see this coming?

Johnson Bangerwell