Circus Porn
It was inevitable that with the explosion of porn in the internet era, competition would become fierce enough that producers and directors of adult DVDs would start scratching their chronically uncreative heads to find the ‘next big thing’…with the emphasis being on big. In porn, common wisdom dictates that more is always better. This gave rise to breasts that require bra cup sizes near the end of the alphabet, cocks that wouldn’t be out of place in the Guinness book of world records and eventually, gangbangs featuring hundreds of guys. Let’s start with tits.
While tits bigger than a breadbox have been around forever, it was Carol Doda and Russ Meyer who made them cool in America. In the 60’s and 70’s Meyer made Campy ‘sexploitation’ B-movies featuring large breasted women and Carol Doda brought stripping out from the shadows in San Francisco’s South Beach neighborhood with her charm, wit, and silicone-fueled 44DD’s. How far we’ve come from there…
These days we have the all-natural absurdities hanging from Rachel Raxx – these things clock in at a mind-bending JJ cup. Right behind her in the ‘tits made by God’ category is Alana Lace swinging solid J cups. Behind her it’s a toss-up between Tiggle Bitties (yes, unfortunately she calls herself that), Natasha Sweet and Juliana Sims…but we’re splitting areolas here as there are literally hundreds of girls with natural tits that can suck lesser tits into their orbit, and porn studio Score has somehow convinced ALL of them to get naked on camera. God bless ‘em.
For melons crafted by science it’s a tough call. They just keep getting bigger. Porn oddity Minka must be near the top of any list of fake tits that defy logic, not to mention gravity. A skinny Asian chick by birth, she repeatedly had her breasts enhanced to the point that you can see nearly half of them from behind her. Close on her top-heavy heels is Danielle Derek, a blonde porn babe whose tits are nearly identical to soccer balls in both size and shape. Daphne Rosen and Dolly Fox also supersized their hooters to the point of no return. I’ve heard that some of these boobs can actually create their own weather. Almost makes chesty superstar Bridgette B’s tits seem rather ho-hum by comparison.
In the big scary cock department, it’s a much shorter list. Until they can surgically enhance cocks without making them look like an alien pupa, we must rely on nature to provide the dimensions necessary to frighten (and intrigue) petite porn girls. No list of major man-meat is complete without a mention of John Holmes, who enthralled women around the world with his 12.5” manaconda in the 70’s and 80’s. John was ahead of his time, and several inches ahead of any other porn member of the day. He remains one of the premiere dicks of the industry – sort of a porn ‘great white hope’. These days, the crown of biggest cock in porn is ruled by black guys, and seems to go to Mandingo, who is swinging a solid 12 inches of ebony man-ham, but as you can expect – this is endlessly debated…by whom I’m not sure. Dredd has been nominated as largest cock in porn (sporting a questionable 12 inches and greater girth than Mandingo) but there has not to my knowledge ever been a ‘dick-off’ to settle the matter. Porn guys with 9, 10 and 11 inch love clubs are still given most of the good work, but anybody with 8 inches or (God forbid) under is decidedly ho-hum in today’s porn world.
In my early days in porn, there was a brief race to convene and film the largest gangbang in the world. It started with Asian hose-tart Annabelle Chong who let 251 guys boink her briefly to capture what is perhaps the most dubious ‘record’ in ‘The World’s Biggest Gangbang’. The result was one of the biggest selling videos in porn history. This is when things got a little freaky. Director of WBGB 1 John T-Bone hired Jasmine St. Claire to star in ‘The World’s biggest gangbang 2’. I reviewed it at the time:
‘High Maintenance Porn Whore Jasmine St. Claire does her best to break Annabelle Chong’s preposterous 250 man gangbang record, and manages to exceed it while providing no actual heat in the process. Director John T. Bone shuffles 300 lucky (?) porn loving fans through Ms. St. Claire’s pussy, herding them like bored beasts of burden while our star lies motionless on a table exhibiting all the eroticism of a bag of hammers. With regular breaks to ice her pussy and whine about the heat, our slutty heroine ultimately finishes the day with a trophy and some serious stank. Priceless.’
The whole ridiculous freak show culminated with “The Houston 620” which I summarized this way:
“Totally man-made porn MILF Houston submits to a chain fuck that pretty much set the weirdest record for gangbangs ever…and that’s saying something. Make no mistake, this is a very odd movie to watch as what amounts to a condom-clad, Aids-and-STD-test-result-carrying cattle-call is paraded through Ms. Houston’s vagina, with each dude given barely enough time to imitate some semblance of a fucking motion before being ushered off to make room in the womb for the next sorry fool. At the end of the day (literally), Houston got a trophy and bragging rights for inviting 620 porn-whore loving strangers into her now pulverized pussy.”
One cautionary tale about this kind of porn: A porn-innocent friend of mine decided this was the one he wanted to spring on his unsuspecting and clearly conservative wife one evening. For the record, I warned him against this and suggested some very romantic titles to ease her in so to speak…but no, he let his curiosity get the best of him and introduced his wife to porn with the biggest gangbang movie in history – ‘The Houston 620’. Not only did it almost end his marriage, but his wife went on to discover Jesus and became a friggin’ missionary the same year! True story, although I can’t be sure how much viewing this gross monstrosity had to do with it. Needless to say, these days my clueless and now thoroughly pussy-whipped friend only watches porn by himself.
Johnson Bangerwell