What’s in a Name?

It’s somewhat of a tradition that porn producers occasionally do ‘parodies’ which is porn-speak for ‘we’re going to copy someone else’s idea but with sex.’ Since necessity is the mother of invention, porn parodies became the breeding ground for humorous titles that were close enough to the original to be recognizable, yet far enough away to not get sued by the copyright holders. It didn’t always work.

 

While porn parodies like ‘Edward Penis Hands, ‘Whore of the Rings’ and ‘American Booty’ all escaped the wrath of the major studios, adult DVD studio Smash pictures ran afoul of Universal pictures’ bored attorneys with ’50 Shades of Grey a XXX Adaptation.’ They made 2 major mistakes: They released it BEFORE the actual 50 shades came out, and they didn’t really change the title. Universal realized that their soft porn suburb-friendly version of 50 shades didn’t stand a chance if there were people furiously copulating in glorious triple X under the same title…first. Smash and Universal settled and the 50 shades with actual fucking…went away.

 

Venerable porn studio Caballero (and I’m being polite here…their current movies look like bad VHS recordings on DVD. If you want to see just how awful a DVD can look…check out Caballero) got the bright idea to start a production company called ‘Ben and Cherries’. They released titles that parodied the forward-thinking ice cream company’s flavors: ‘Boston Cream Thigh’, ‘New York Fat and Chunky’, ‘Peanut Butter D-Cup’ and the slightly frightening ‘Chocolate Fudge Babes’. The ice cream magnates sued and the production company and its titles disappeared.

 

Then there was the ‘Cockzilla’ lawsuit. Released by Raunch-o-Rama pictures, Cockzilla was immediately sued by Toho Co. Ltd., Owners of the Godzilla franchise. It was a shame really as even though the Cockzilla guys produced zero-budget crappy porn, they apparently spent what little money they did have on a totally entertaining 7-foot-high animatronic penis, that made cock noises (?) and wiggled around menacingly. They carted the humongous johnson to trade shows all over the country to promote the brand. Enter Toho who sued Raunch-o-Rama and the dick they rode in on, into oblivion. The monstrous member that roared had a short, but enthusiastically-received run. Somewhere in the San Fernando Valley, I just know there’s a sad, defeated mechanical cock the size of a phone booth, powerless, flaccid, decaying… a mere shadow of its former turgid glory…sitting under a tarp in someone’s garage.

 

Here’s some more excellent porn parody titles that corporate attorneys were either too lazy or too embarrassed to threaten legally:

Womb Raider, Spankenstein, Down on Abby, A Beautiful Behind, Bitanic, Night of the Giving Head, The Usual Buttsex, Throbbin’ Hood, Tits a Wonderful Life, Titty Titty Gang Bang, Anus the Menace, Black Cock Down, Bridge over the River KY, Bareass in the Park, Cumalot, A Clear and Pleasant Stranger, Bonfire of the Panties, E3 – the extra Testicle, A few Hard Men, Easy Ride Her, Drill Bill, I Cream on Jeanie, I Dream of Weenie, Girth Wind and Fire, Free Will Humping, Inspect her Gadget, Lawrence of a Labia, Jennifer Ate, Jurassic Pork, Leave it to Cleavage, Missionary Position: Impossible, One flew over the Cukoo’s Breast, Planet of the Gapes, Pornocchio, Romancing the Bone, Rambone, Sorest Rump, Sheepless in Montana, Shaving Ryan’s Privates, Raiders of the lost Arse, The Bare Bitch project, The Hills Have Thighs, The Loin King, The Sexorcist, The Texas Vibrator Massacre, Trannie get your Gun…you get the idea.

 

Since creativity in porn is about as common as social justice warriors at a UFC fight, I applaud the rare and witty porn producer who can make me laugh with just a well-crafted title. With over 20 years in porn, I’ve seen a few. One that stands out? A gay movie by Dirk Yates with the elusive but hilarious title ‘God was I drunk’.

JB